How can husbands sometimes be so oblivious and aggravating?
Mar 2nd, 2010 | By admin | Category: Being a NannyMy husband, w/ a bachelors in business management has been looking for a job the past 5 weeks, before that he did not yet have his marriage visa (he is not from the US) and was not allowed to work. I gave up school & am working to support us the past 8 months until he received his visa. We are just below desperate for him to find work, I’m keeping food on the table and most of our bills paid, but every week we get more and more behind. Last night we got into it big time. I feel like he’s waiting for a job that doesn’t exist. Although we live in an area that isn’t suffering economically as bad as the rest of the US, people are still out of work and businesses are paying less than they used to. He says he didn’t get a degree to take a “crappy” job anyone could get. I said “Fine, then wait for your dream job, but while your waiting what is the fu**** harm in getting a crappy part time job so we can get some money coming in? Two crappy incomes are better than one, at least!” Then. Oh lordy. He says “Is it really that bad?” I flipped out. That bad?? That bad??? We have $12 in our bank account with one week left until my next paycheck. I decide which bills to pay based on their late penalty charges. I have never in my life been so thankful for my mother in law when she brought over a huge box of diapers from Sam’s Club…..yesterday. That bad?? I could have shot him.
I handle all our finances, bill paying etc…could I really have failed to communicate how badly we need him to work? And even if I did isn’t it common freaking sense to know that it’s nearly impossible to sustain a family of 3 on less than $25,000 a year? WTF? I love him but it really makes me loose faith in his job search….if he can’t figure out his own family’s situation, how is he planning on getting hired at some great management job??
PS- I run into so many graduates thinking the same way. What are they teaching in school now?? This is real life and it doesn’t seem that univesities are fully preparing their students. There needs to be a class called “Reality 101″
My husband truly is a hardworker, he supported his family of 5 when they immigrated here for protection from their war-torn country. He’s no stranger to adversity or hard work….but maybe now that he can get a decent job it’s gone to his head….
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Sounds like he may need to swallow his pride a little. He may be having a hard time getting a job as well because he’s just now becoming a U.S citizen. When times are hard like they are now people tend to want to honor their own.
Maybe he should start looking at some companies that are owned by people within his ethnic background. He may have a better chance at employment.
honey, being that way is their job. But they can be taught.
The couch is your friend and his motivator. Use it!
If they were like us, we wouldn’t want them or we’d be lesbians.
You’re ranting a huge bit, and that won’t help anything, honestly. You married a true winner. That’s your fault.
This section is for cheating whoores and unfaithful men i think you should put this in the financing section
He thinks he is too good. How sad. Your child will suffer for it. He needs to get his utt out there and take what he can get to provide for his family.
Makes you wonder how some people can be so school smart, but life dumb. You need to sit him down and explain your family finances to him. He obviously does not have a clue. Sometimes people have to start at the bottom and work their way up the ladder. Just because you have a degree doesn’t mean you have experience. You can’t just walk into a management position! Give him a shake for me!
he sounds lazy and you need to tell them that if he doesnt get atleast a part time job at Mcdonalds your taking the baby and living with ur mother or who ever u can because you cant support all 3 of you. do for you and ur baby not for him because he obviously isnt doing jack squat for you and ur baby.
I think a lot of people out there think if they “settle” for a job they will be stuck there. What they don’t understand is that you are building experience and money is coming in. It’s not like he can’t continue to still actively look for another job, and do interviews. I think I would try to talk to him about it in a much more calm setting. After the children are asleep, and it’s just the two of you, just say let’s talk about a few things… I would try to keep it a calm conversation and if it starts to get loud take a walk away from each other. Explain the urgency, and that if he doesn’t take a job soon, you may lose your home.
I wish you the best!
Oh boy! I’m not sure I could make it work comfortably on less than $25,000 a year BY MY SELF! You’re right, Reality 101 is needed. A crappy job is better than no job while he waits for what he believes is good enough for him. His ego needs to step down a notch. He has a family to think of and families aren’t taken care of by foolish pride. He needs to get a job.
Unless he has had exposure to high levels of workplace experience, it is impossible for him to find a top-end job. Whether you have a degree or not, you will always have to work from the bottom up. The difference is that people with degrees just move up a little quicker.
EXPERIENCE > DEGREES
He needs to man up. You can’t always have the job of your dreams right away. And if he’s not careful, he could lose the family of his dreams.
Good luck
he’s the man he should be working the crappy part time job until the dream job comes along. my husband would have never did that to me.
he needs to put his pride aside and help you out for the sake of putting food on the Table and having a roof on your head. he needs to man up and assume responsibilities.
“He says he didn’t get a degree to take a “crappy” job anyone could get. ”
Yes he did. He got a really crappy, shitty, stupid, useless degree. Sorry.
Managing a Taco Bell or Little Ceasers is his best bet.
People from 3rd world countries do not understand “living paycheck to paycheck”.
Has he ever had a bank account before?
In school he probably had the free-ride; housing & meals included in his scholarship or rolled into his student loans.
I am sorry to hear this. I too live in a state that isnt as bad as some right now. Fortunetly my husband’s job is fine, but there are more rumors of more layoffs coming. My husband’s cousin and brother were both laid off, his brother has since been called back into work. His cousin hasnt. His cousin used to say how he wouldnt take a job for less than $20/hour when he and my husband would talk about my hubby’s 2nd job. Now he has gone as low as to go to the local hardware store and waited to see if anyone will pick him up to do some handy work. They are a family of 3 and have another baby due in 1 month, she is working at McDonalds. Sorry to say, but if he can find a job that is less than he wants, consider himself lucky. At this rate, and with the economy, it will be a few years before he lands anything.
Well, he does need to wake up a little. But you blowing up wont help cos men usually don’t listen to women who are screaming and scolding. they think we are nuts and since we are nuts, whatever we say are no longer important.
push the bill settling to him. you have done it for a while, you know how much it would be. When it is almost time to settle it, give him the amount and tell him this is what the family can afford. then dump the bills on him and tell him to sort it out, you can claim you have to work or you have a headache or you need to do something else. Or give it to him just before leaving for work and tell him you have forgotten to do it and need him to help settle it.
There are two things that can happen. one, he totally screwed it up. two, it opens his eyes to the realities of the family situation. If he screws it up, well, you will know that yelling and screaming wont do much good anymore because if he still cant see the truth with all those bills in front of his face, he wont see it no matter what you say.
So lets hope that when you do it, it is the second option that would result.